Wednesday 24th Oct
These past weeks have flown by!
I’ve been crazy busy with a fantastic new job, training even more intensely and starting my PT course.
Last week I had a bit of a worrying week, with my weight fluctuating 2kg in a day and just constantly being all over the place. I weighed myself daily to try and observe when these fluctuations happened and realised it was when my mental health was the most apparent.
When I get stressed, anxious or generally feel rubbish about myself I tend to spiral into a massive whirlwind of anxiety and depression. Years ago, this whirlwind would have taken me at least a week to get out of and then a following couple of days to recover. Now it normally takes me a gym session followed by some meditation.
Me at the start of my journey, self harming and suicidal. I had just made the decision to reduce my drinking, partying and coping mechanism.
I haven’t been doing much meditation recently due to just lack of time. This drastic effect on my physical really highlights to me that it’s important to find the time. I discovered the app “Headspace” which has been highly recommended by so many friends and now I cannot recommend it enough. You can cater your sessions to your mood and to your past history, i.e. Anxiety. I’ve been doing these each night before sleeping as well as whenever I needed them during the day; i.e. The tube is a trigger point for me so if I’m not feeling 100% I put a session on.
It’s so important that after really training hard in the gym, eating the correct foods and drinking enough water, we make the effort to take care of the other part of our body; our minds.
Headspace app- available on the App Store for free
I’ve always been of the opinion that you have no idea what the person infront you had gone through, and a smile and a positive conversation could make their day. Having worked in customer service for 6 years, I’ve been on the receiving end of many disgruntled and rude patrons. And you know what, it’s always when your mental health is at its lowest that it actually affects you. I’ve had panic attacks as an usher and then a patron has come over and shouted at me. However, putting on a happy face and smiling through your issues at work, (although not a long term solution) really helped me reduce the times I was being treated worthlessly by rude patrons.
As a manager, I often get staff coming up to me, in confidence, telling me of their anxiety and depression issues. I always tell them the above, emphasising the importance to really put on an act. My role as a manager is to not only run the show, but also to ensure a safe environment for my staff. It unfortunately is a very common trait of human nature to take advantage of the vulnerable, and a long face and worried posture really triggers this behaviour in people. Often at the end of the shift, the staff member will feel miles better than before because they’ve actually managed to get through the shift, or if not, no worse.
Some emergency numbers that are good to know if you need them.
This week, Connie has upped my food and taken away my cheat meal. No cheat meal!?!? That was exactly my reaction. But then I started to get excited for the final product. And then thought logically and remembered that I have a YouTube filming session for a friend on Friday so to look my best, this week has to be amazing.
So far so good. Meal prep, training and mental health have all been great. Still doing daily weigh ins and have been on 72.3kg for the past 4 days. I’m so happy that my weight has stabilised. FINALLY.
Connie texted me yesterday to remind me to try and get 6hours sleep a night at least. And I laughed. 6 hours a night is normally a luxury for me. I function on between 4-5 hours. I mean I work late and start early. By the time I’m home at 11:30/12 I’m in bed at 12:30/1 after prepping for the next day, then I’m up at 5/6 to either go to the gym or get ready for work. Then I’ve got a full day of running around a beautiful theatre and then finally heading to the gym (if I’m working late gym is in the morning) before getting to bed. She suggested I try and meal prep for 2 days in one. I’ve tried that today, cooking enough chicken for 2 days leaving just the measuring to be done. We’ll see how that goes, but hopefully it’ll save cooking time!
My message for today is to remember that it’s all good focusing on your aesthetics, and trust me it’s very easy to focus on this as a bodybuilder, but don’t forget your mental health. Even if it’s ensuring you have at least one early night a week, a walk in the park or a coffee with a friend, look after the whole of you.
Me taking a morning off and walking with my dog, who ultimately decided to roll in fox poo yummmm
“An unhealthy mind, even in a healthy body, will ultimately destroy health.”
Happy and Fit 